How to Level-up Your Listening
At this time and under the situation we are all facing now, we need to up our games in how we understand, appreciate, work with, and treat each other. To connect more authentically to one another and be more empathetic, we need to be better listeners. As we become better listeners, we will increase the trust levels between us.
We all have become masters at listening to ourselves, but not always as great at listening to others. With so many distractions around us these days, it can be even more challenging to truly listen and hear one another. This post will introduce you to a model to be able to differentiate and assess your ability to listen to others. I’ll also share some tips to help you improve your listening skills.
Levels of Listening
While learning to become a certified coach, I was introduced to the levels of listening. Each level is differentiated from each other by what the focus is on - from being internally focused to all-encompassing. You’ll need to fine-tune your radar to see which level you are in and decide if you need to shift gears to another level to be able to better listen and connect with the other person.
Level 1 Listening
A level you definitely don’t want to be in. In Level 1, your focus is on yourself. It involves your internal dialogue while in conversation with someone else. You hear the words of the other person, but your focus is more on yourself and what it means to you. You are listening more to the internal chatter and conversation with yourself and less on what the other person is actually saying. At this level, you will only be able to get bits and pieces and definitely not the full story that is being told because you aren’t focused on them and what they are saying.
Level 2 Listening
Level 2 is a more focused listening and way to connect. This level of listening involves focusing your full attention on the other person. You are laser-focused on them. You’re not thinking ahead about what you want to say next or what you’re going to ask. You stay with the person in this present moment. You’ve shut down - the best you can - the internal dialogue and 100% of your attention is on them. At this level, you will be actually hearing more of what’s being said to you. You’ll want to be at least at this level when you are engaging with someone else and if you want to better connect with them, their ideas or their story they are telling you.
Level 3 Listening
Level 3 listening goes beyond just listening to what the other person is saying. It’s paying attention to their emotions, body language, and facial expressions. It’s being able to be aware of the changes in their tone or energy level as they speak, which is also conveying a message to you. You’ll pick up on the little gaps in their talking, which may be a signal that you’ll want to be curious about what just came to their mind and go deeper because something may have just happened in their thought pattern that needs to be expressed or figured out.
At this level, you will also be keenly aware of the environmental cues around you and pick up on the feelings between the two of you. This is an advanced way of listening and connecting. It is an essential skill when coaching someone and can create a powerful dynamic when both people are listening in Level 3.
Be Aware and Step-Up
The first step is always to be aware and assess what level you are in. Are you in the level that you need to be? If not, find a way to shift gears to a higher level. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
Where’s my focus? On me or them?
Am I using my different senses to their fullest to take in more information? If not, how can I use them more?
How much am I preparing what to say next vs staying open to receiving their point of view?
Of course, as you ask yourself these questions, it will take you to Level 1 so do a fast scan of yourself, answer quickly, and adjust if needed to get back to being focused on them. To help you make the shift, find a structure that will work best for you:
Tell yourself a word or two to stop being in the level you are in and shift to a higher level
Use a visual image in your head or write something down in your notebook to remind yourself to stay in Level 2 or 3 as much as possible. This also helps to remind yourself to do a quick self-check throughout your meetings to see what level you are currently in
Tap or touch a part of your body that connects you more to a higher listening level and gets you into that mode
You’ll need to prototype what structure works best for you. You may need to try different tactics to help you find the one that is most impactful. Continue to practice shutting down the internal dialogue, focusing on the other person, and connecting on a higher level. It will take a lot of practice for some of us. We will all slip into Level 1. It’s natural and will continue to happen. Our journey is to fine-tune our radar to catch on quicker when we’ve dropped back to Level 1 and shift our gears to bounce back to Level 2 and 3 more effectively and efficiently.
Practice, Practice, Practice
Following are some ideas of how you can continue to practice:
Have someone tell you a short story and start in Level 1 so you can feel what this type of listening is like - and it should be rather familiar to you. After a minute, step up a level, and then another to be in Level 3.
In your team or project meetings, use your structure to remind yourself to be in Level 2 or 3. At the end of your meeting, evaluate yourself on what percent you spent in each level. Be curious with yourself why you had the results you did. What caused it? What contributed to your success and demise? Were there certain individuals who triggered you to go back and spend the time in Level 1? If so, why? What can be done to prevent it from happening next time?
Tell your family, team or some peers you trust you are trying to improve this part of your leadership. Have them give you feedback in the moment and show you the number of fingers (1, 2, or 3 - for each level) they think you are currently being in.
As you are watching your shows, use this as an opportunity to stay in Level 2 or 3 as much as possible. Try to minimize the time you distract yourself with your phone or your internal dialogue and focus on the characters and what they are expressing with their words, body, and emotions.
Listen to your favorite music and really hear the words and the emotions behind the words
Put yourself on a journey to improve your listening skills and see how it impacts and changes your understanding of others and shifts your connection with them. My next post will focus on how you can use “ting” to elevate your listening and connecting skills. Stay tuned!
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